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Let me start out by saying that brain shivers, or brain zaps as they are also known, are not as much fun as you might think!

I also want to warn you that this post may not be completely coherent, as I am coming to the end of the second day without the meds, and it’s starting to affect my brain if fun and fabulous ways.

The last seven days, I have spent a good deal of time wandering around in a serious fog, confused and slightly disoriented. Along with the fog, comes serious headaches, body aches and major fatigue that has me sleeping for up to 18 hours a day! There is also the hot and cold cycles that I go through randomly throughout the day.  The cold side has me shivering under a blanket when it’s 85 degrees out. This will go on for several hours, only to turn around suddenly and have my body temp up high enough to cause my heart rate to increase!

Oh the fun of detoxing from an antidepressant.

I have been dropping the dosing back gradually, though I’m beginning to think that I may have to rethink just how I’m going to do it.

Up to this point, I have cut my dose back from 10mg/day of Lexapro, to 10mg every third day. Day two hasn’t been too terribly bad this time around, but I just know that come tomorrow, the hell will begin again.

Through all of the fun, I have been keeping my eye on the light at the end of the tunnel.  The freedom from this drug that has caused me to become a person that I really don’t want to be both mentally and physically.

On the up side of this journey so far, I have found my weight dropping already.. a steady 1/4 to 1/2 pound per day!  I don’t expect this loss to continue so rapidly, but for now, I’m pleased with the progress!

I want to take a moment to say that, thankfully, I’m not traveling through this alone. I have the support of a husband who only wants what’s best for me, and the help of  a friend who has been pointing me in the right direction. I want to send out a huge thank you to @essensu!! She is a wonderful, and very wise, friend I have found on Plurk.

Thanks for reading!  Until next time:

Brightest Blessings.

I recently began the road to quitting smoking. I had expected that particular road to have a lot more hills and pot holes in it than what I have encountered, so far.

I have been “smoke free” for four days, and really not feeling any of the withdraw symptoms I expected, so far!

I’m not experiencing any excessive bitchiness ~ okay no more than normal, no excessive needs to eat ~ no more than normal, no anxiousness.. okay so you get the picture, right?

Quitting smoking is only the first in many steps I’m planning on taking to get me to a healthier me.

What’s next?

(I thought you’d never ask!)

Well, for the past twelve years, I have been on just about every antidepressant known to man. Some of them didn’t work at all, some worked for a short time and then stopped, some worked for the depression, but kicked my anxiety into high gear. None have made me feel the way they are promised to.

The most recent one I have tried is Lexapro.  When my doctor first mentioned trying this one, I specifically asked what effect it would have on my weight, since the last one had me gaining at an alarming rate.

I was told that it wasn’t known to cause weight gain, and I should be just fine with it.

Wrong!!

In just 3 months I gained over 30 pounds, on top of what I had gained while taking Paxil!

I have never had a big problem with my weight before, but here I am much heavier than I have ever been in my life, fighting frustration at every turn, and then to discover my doctor lied, yes I said it, he LIED!  Enough is enough!

So, my next step is to wean off the lexapro. Get it out of my system completely and forever. After doing some reading, I know that this is not going to be an easy task.  Withdrawl, brain zaps, body aches, you name it, it’s on the list.

It  just doesn’t get any better than this, does it?!

I’m so not looking forward to what I’m facing, but I just can’t wait to come out on the other side!  Healthier, happier, and eventually lighter, I hope!

Thanks for dropping by.

Bright Blessings!

What Makes a Friend?

A recent comment made by someone on one of my social networking sites set me to thinking ~ What defines a friend, and can people you talk to online but have never met face to face qualify?

The dictionary defines Friend as:

1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : acquaintance
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion

In my opinion, a friend is someone with whom you share common interest, you enjoy talking to, and who support you when you’re going through a rough or difficult time in your life.

They’re also the ones who make you laugh at yourself during times when you take yourself far too seriously, and don’t go over the edge when you laugh at them for the same thing.

Is a friend defined by where they live, how often you lay eyes on them, or even the length of time you’ve known them?

For this question, I have to answer a resounding NO!

There are people who are in my life, I’ve known them for years, and I wouldn’t trust them with any but the most basic areas of my life.

On the flip side of this, there are people in my social networking world that in recent days and weeks have shared in some difficult times with me, supported me and have given me sound advice that has saved me from a lot of possible problems.

None of these people have ever sat across a table from me to have a coffee, knocked on my door to borrow sugar for a recipe, or even known me in the cyber world for all that long.

Everything that is offered has been offered without my having to request it! It’s just something that’s there, that happens, that’s heartfelt!

Online friends, it seems to me, are the last ones to ever stab you in the back, talk about you when you aren’t there, steal your sweater that they asked to “borrow” – okay, so this last one doesn’t happen, but I think I’m making my point.

Having pondered this subject for the last three days, I have to say that I count these “faceless” cyber entities as friends in the truest sense of the word. For each and everyone of them, I am thankful.

Thanks for reading!

Until next time, Brightest Blessings!

I, like millions of women, have found myself looking for a way to get healthy, lose weight and get strong.

In browsing the web, and looking through the shelves in local bookstores, I find myself overwhelmed with all the information available.

One of the possible ways to get started really calls out to me ~ Detoxing.

I’m on several medications, and I know that these medications are building up in my body, hiding in my liver, and doing heaven only knows what to my system!?

A friend of mine, Michele Tune, http://healingwithjuices.com/2009/08/detox-natalia-rose/comment-page-1/#comment-5159 is running a fabulous contest on her blog offering a book on just this subject.

Why not go take a look, enter the contest, and join me on what I hope will be the road to a healthier tomorrow for all of us?

Let me know what you think of the book, Michele’s Blog, and getting healthy!

Until next time, Brightest Blessing!

You would think, at my age, I would be grown up by now. Right?

Wrong!

Today, my youngest, my baby, my 20 year old daughter, moved from small town Ontario to the big city. Away from knowing everyone you meet on the street, to the hustle and bustle of Toronto… and I had a hard time with it.

Granted, she hasn’t lived with me in quite some time, but up until now, she has been safe within shouting distance of family. Embraced by those who love her and know her quirks, I knew she was safe.

Yes, I keep telling myself she’s still safe, but in spite of myself, I worry.

What does this rambling have to do with growing up? What does it have to do with my first comment in this posting?

I learned today that no matter what age you are, you’re not only still growing, but still growing up.  Knowing that the time would come when both of my girls would embark on lives of their own.  Knowing and accepting said knowledge are too very different things.  Part of my growing up process, I have discovered, is learning to open up and let go of the baby I’ve held so close for so long.

With the words, “Mom, I’ll be fine!” ringing in my ears, I try to take that much needed step back.  That same terrifying step back I had to take all those years ago, when she took her first step, has returned.  I can tell you with great emphasis that it’s even harder to step back and let her take these steps alone!

What, I keep asking myself, will I do if she trips, if she stumbles, if she falls?

The obvious answer is, let her pick herself up, dust off, and carry on.  The not so easy part, is letting her do it.  Just the thought of her falling has my heart thundering and my throat tightening with anxiety.

On further reflection though, I discovered that this anxiety, this terror, isn’t that she will fall, but that she won’t need to be picked up.  That she no longer needs me to be there, a hand on either side of her, as she takes each ever strengthening step!  That she will soon be running, confidently, away from me is my fear for myself.

And so, with having made this discovery, it’s time to let her:

Move Out,

Move On,

And for me to Grow Up.

*I love you, Mik!*

Until next time;

Brightest Blessings!

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